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This gem arrived in my poor, stuffed e-mail inbox the other day from our friends at IT World Canada, reminding me that I’m Always Grumpy:

Chief Mobile Officer: A job title now timely? With staff increasingly using smart phones and tablets, CIOs should urge their organizations to designate a CMO to create an enterprise mobile strategy, says Forrester.”

This is getting silly! Creating an enterprise mobile strategy is a job for a systems architect and her boss to do with approval from the real C-level execs. At this rate the most senior secretary (sorry!) will soon be the CAO, or Chief Admin-Assist Officer. If we take this suggestion, among the proliferation of C-level titles I offer the following:

  • CMO – Chief Mobile Officer (in charge of cool mobile devices like cell-phones and fondleslabs including, one supposes, paper and pencil) – oh wait, is that confusing? Does your company already have someone called a CMO?
  • CSO – Chief Sessile Officer (in charge of stuff that doesn’t move so much including desktops and desks – I’m not sure where laptops go since they’re mobile but lame) – oh wait, is that confusing? Does your company already have someone who uses this acronym too?
  • CDO – Chief Docking Officer (in charge of physical connection of fondleables to lame physical networks) – This might be OK, I don’t know any CDOs.
  • CXO – Chief Syncing Officer (in charge of information transfer between cool and lame) – ‘S’ was taken but ‘X’ is kinda cool so why not?
  • CPO – Chief Sanitary Officer (in charge of toilets – wears coveralls and works for an outsourced janitorial company like Bee Clean) – ‘S’ and ‘X’ were taken, guess what ‘P’ stands for!

There’s a problem here though. We’re already re-using letters in these TLAs (three letter acronyms), so we’ll have to go to MTLAs (more-than-three letter acronyms) to uniquely cover all of the plethora of new C-level execs. Oh wait, we’re already there – I know of lots of companies that have, for example, CISOs in charge of corporate information security. Hmmm… in a brave new world, maybe we can all get invited to those special “C-level Only” sessions!

alwaysgrumpy is Jonathan Gladstone, jbglad59@sympatico.ca

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