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In spite of being Always Grumpy, I’m sometimes very lucky. In the cube farm where I work, I have the great good fortune to have wonderful neighbours, and it makes me Frequently Happy. My aisle-mates and I share humour both dark and light, swap happy stories about our family lives or commiserate as needed. And sometimes we just throw things at one another. Right in front of me sits another person who’s just about as geeky as me, poor thing. I’ll call my neighbour Simon, though that might be a fake name and even sex.

On the four-foot fabric panel wall that separates Simon’s back from my throwing arm rests a variety of toys. These are the kinds of things that accumulate in techie cube farms: stress balls, small wind-up toys, stuffed vendor mascots with screen-wipe behinds and so on. As Simon and I discuss the events of the day and week, we often play with these toys. Today we came up with a solution for Google’s inability to catch Apple in the race for mind- and market-share in the consumer electronics ecosystem market, especially when it comes to tablets and even now that it’s swallowed Motorola’s mobile devices unit. Happenstance, rather than necessity, was the mother of this invention.

So here it is!

Poor little green man just can't seem to keep it up!

If Googorola’s going to catch Apple in the tablet market, what it needs is an Android accelerator. Look closely: the Android Focussing Device is carefully hung (or hanged, if you happen to notice that the string is wrapped around its neck) off of a Balancing Suspension Clip-Arm Assembly that is in turn held in place by a vendor-supplied Flexible Coil Positioner. This maintains the Android’s correct placement in the Acceleration Field created by the Variable-Configuration Conductive Mesh Enclosure. With the appropriate source voltage applied, we think this might just about do the trick. In the spirit of Facebook’s acquisition of Instagram this week, we’ll share the design for only a billion dollars.

Jonathan Gladstone is alwaysgrumpy at or follow me on Twitter @jbglad59.


One Comment

  1. Sounds intersting and it must be much more so to those who understand what you’re talkling about!!

    your loving (but technocratically illiterate) mother


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. […] in April I wrote a post about What Googorola Needs. At the time, I suggested they needed an Android Accelerator, which a colleague of mine and I […]


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